For You
by kikyo1027
Summary: Matt's parents just died and he gets sent to Wammy's. Story is way better than summary. MXM Contains: drug use, cutting, sex, and heartbreak.
1. Born In A Orphanage

The last thing I remembered before I opened that locked door, was swimming. They promised to take me today. Bought me new goggles and everything. But when I got to their bedroom door, it was locked. I knocked. No answer. I called their names. No answer.

I think this is where the child in me came out. I began throwing a fit and slamming myself into the door. I was determined to make them keep their promise at all cost, even if it meant breaking my arm.

I head a loud crack as the door opened, revealing the whole scene to me. I don't know what I saw first…

The blood, the bodies, or the needle.

The blood was everywhere. I looked down and saw it sticking to the bottom of my feet. I looked back up and saw my mother's blue eyes staring at the wall. I walked over to her and smoothed her hair which was all over her face.

Her dead, beautiful, face.

"Mom." I whispered softly. " Mommy?" I said a little bit louder, but she still didn't move. She just sat there, eyes open, needle still in her arm, staring at the wall.

I might have screamed then.

Everything sort of dazed in and out from then on. I remember people-police men, I think- entering the room and asking me questions. I looked back up and I was in a car. I wouldn't of even noticed that if it weren't for the constant potholes we ran over. I looked down at my hands. The were covered with dry blood that I don't remember touching.

" Where am I going?" I asked the man who was driving the small car.

" To Whammy's House For Gifted Orphans."

_Orphan. _I never thought much about that word until that day. It was strange, to consider myself one of them. It was almost like a human being an animal. They are one, but they never really think of themselves like that. They didn't _like _thinking of themselves like that. Just like I didn't like considering myself an orphan.

The car stopped in front of a big white building that looked more like a mansion in Beverly Hills than a orphan's home. There were kids playing in the front yard and for a second, I was mad at them. Why weren't they mourning for their parents? Why weren't they sad? Was I the only one who realized how horrible the situation actually was?

" Hello." I looked and saw a man, who deeply resembled a panda looking at me. " I'm L. And you are?"

I stopped and looked at him examining his very odd features. His hair, was a disarray, sticking up in every direction possible. His back was hunched over and his eyes were wide, like they were trying to capture every detail on this living Earth.

" …I'm Mail."

**AN- Well, this is the first chapter. I didn't know if I should do it in Matt's POV or Mello's POV. I chose Matt, but if you think that Mello sounds better telling the story then let me know. This story is dedicated to Jeffery Lopez who died today of a herion overdose. R.I.P Jeffery... -Kikyo1027**


	2. Unexpected Guest

_Slap!_

I stared at L with a shocked expression spread out on my face.

"What the _fuck _was that for?!" I screamed only to be slapped again.

" It's a training technique." He said simply, still remaining calm.

" Training for _what?_"

" Training for kids who refuse to keep their true identities hidden. You must understand that you are no longer who you once were, but what your future holds for you."

_What my future holds for me? __No longer who I once was? _No. I will always be the same Mail that I was. Neither my parents death or this fancy school will change that.

" I want to keep my name." I said bravely, fully preparing for another slap. But instead, L let out a sigh.

" Mail, do you know what they do to kids in foster homes?"

"…No."

" They most likely get raped, abused, starved, a number of different horribly things that no child should suffer through."

" So?"

" So, Mail, if you leave here, the state will take you to one of those foster homes, where you'll be bounced around from place to place, because nobody wants you. We both know you are too old to be adopted. We are placing a very rare opportunity at your hands. If you want to throw it away, then be my guest."

I sat there, speechless staring at L. I had never once thought of what would happen to me if I left this place. I thought that I would just go and live on my own. I forgot that I was only a 13 year old boy. My future wasn't in my hands. It was in the governments.

" Fine, I'll stay." I said scornfully. I was already beginning to regret the decision.

" A very wise decision. We have already found a roommate who is willing to bunk with you, but before we introduce you, you will have to choose a new alias for yourself."

" An alias?"

" Yes. Something that separates your old self from your new self. Once you choose a new alias, you can never tell anybody about the old you. As far as everybody else is concerned, the old you has died."

I thought about this for a second. The name, I mean. I wouldn't mind the old me dying. At least a _part _of me would be with my parents. Plus, I've made too many mistakes already. Starting over would be nice.

" Matt." I said simply.

" Matt. It suits you." L said before walking into the building. Waving a very thin hand, signaling me to follow.

The inside of the building was very…grand. It made me uncomfortable, like I wasn't good enough to step on such immaculate marble floors. I hated that feeling. Hated it with all my heart.

We went up a spiral staircase and to a room number 202. L knocked on the door softly.

" Mello, you roommate is here."

Suddenly, we heard a loud crash. I flinched at the noise, but L remained in the same position, like he was used to such noise coming from inside.

" _Fuck!_" I heard a boy yell from the inside.

" Mello, try to refrain from using such profanity."

The door opened and I suddenly stopped breathing.

The leather sat on his thin hips perfectly. Only so many people could pull something like leather off, and he was _definitely _one of those people. His pale midriff peeped from under his leather vest, daring and teasing me to touch it.

As if the body wasn't perfect enough, then his face was. His eyes were a piercing blue, like ice. Yes, ice was the perfect word for it. His blonde, choppy, hair hit his shoulders, matching the frame of his face perfectly.

I think that was the only word to describe him…

_Perfect. _

" Mello, I would like you to meet Matt, your new roommate."

Mello gave L a shocking look.

" Roommate?! You never told me about a roommate!"

" Unfortunately, Mello, I did."

Mello's eyes went wide.

" Shit! Shit! _Shit!_ How could I miss a little detail like that!" Mello screamed as he reentered the room.

" I'm going to leave you two alone to get…acquainted. Please tell Mello that I would like to have a meeting with both him and Near next Thursday at 12 midnight. Don't be late."

L told me as he walked away.

I cautiously entered the room, dragging my suitcase behind me. The rooms remind me of the room at my old house, except smaller. _A lot _smaller. The carpet was navy blue and looked soft and comfortable. There was two desks, two dressers, and one small TV that looked like it had never been used.

In the corner of the room, was a twin sized bunk bed. The blonde was laying on the bottom bunk, pale face red with anger. It almost looked like my hair.

He turned and glared at me harshly.

" You get the top." He spat. I glared right back at him, laying my suitcase on the floor, and climbing up the hard ladder that led to the top bunk. I could already tell that Mello was going to be a major pain in my ass.

But, I wouldn't mind.

**AN- Yay! Chapter two! I tried to finish this chapter as soon as possible, so sorry for the long wait. Read, review, subscribe, favorite. That's all I ask ;) -Kikyo1027**


	3. Close Your Eyes

The first few days at Whammy's were torture. Tests. That's all this was. A big place where they shoved problems in your face and expected you to answer it with a smile on your face. You solved a problem? Good, now to go the next one. Got it wrong? Impossible. There is no getting it wrong. Your going to get it right, every single time, until your doing it in your sleep.

Too bad that wasn't my dream.

_It was the same day they died. I knew that because I was wearing the same thing, and my mom and dad were in their bathing suits. Seconds later we were at the beach. The rainbow blanket was spread out over the golden sand. _

"_Get in the water Mail!" My mom said already in the ocean. _

_I joined her, laughing and splashing. My dad was laughing from the shore. He never got in the water when we went to the beach. I though he was scared, but then again, he never showed signs of fear toward anything. _

_I ducked my head in the water, and when I came back up, my mother was gone. I looked around and saw no trace of her. I didn't see my father standing on the shore either. _

_I began to swim, running when I hit the shore. I saw to bodies laying on the towel we sat down earlier. I ran closer and closer until I could see their faces. _

…_They were dead. _

I opened my eyes alarmingly. My bed was damp from sweat. I looked around the room franticly, expecting my dead mom to be looking me dead in the face. I closed my eyes, and that's exactly what I saw: My dead mother.

_Make the pain go away. _

Almost robotically, I got up and walked toward the bathroom, locking the doors behind me. I began searching for anything sharp. Anything that would cut deep enough to take away. After a few minutes of looking, I found a pack of brand new razors. I pulled one out and looked at the intense sharpness of the blade, every edge proposing a new danger and a new high to get rid of all the pain. But did I want to do it? I closed my eyes…

_She was still there. _

In one slow, dragging movement I drug the blade across my pale skin. It cut open, crimson blood sliding out from the cut. I closed my eyes.

_She wasn't there. _

I sighed in relief. The pain was gone. It flowed right on out with the blood. I put the razor down and looked in the mirror, the blood still dripping down my wrist.

Yes. This was the perfect way to get rid of the pain…

_Even if I had to die. _

**AN- Don't worry, I'm not going to kill Matt (I die a little on the inside when I watch the episode where he dies. How **_**could **_**I kill him?). Thanks goes to all the people who reviewed and subscribed. I hoped you loved this chapter. -Kikyo1027**


	4. Anorexic Dreams

After that, I decided not to live. Not literally. I wasn't going to quit living after I made it through all this pain. No. That wasn't going to happen. I kept living, but I lived each day in a mindless daze. Talking only when I was spoken to (which wasn't very often) and never making eye contact with anyone.

Unless I saw him.

If I wasn't living in such a hell, I would swear he was an angel. He was just that perfect. Everyone's eyes were glued to him when he walked in the lunch room. My heart got that weird adrenaline rush like it always did when he came around, causing it to jump and thump harder than it usually did. He walked out as swiftly as he did when he came in. Mello never ate lunch here. Hm. I wondered if he ever ate at all, with that figure…

Before my brain could even process what I was doing, I found myself following him outside. But, when I opened the door, I didn't see him. I looked up and down the long parking lot, but didn't see his gorgeous blonde hair anywhere.

I turned around to go back inside, when I finally saw him leaning against the wall by the door, with a mischievous smirk on his face.

" Looking for someone?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

" Not anymore."

We just stared at each other. I began to get self conscience. How could he even stand to look at a thing like me? Hell, I shouldn't even be looking at _him. _He's just too perfect. I mean-

" Do you ever eat?" Mello said, snapping me out of my destructive thoughts.

" Um…yeah…I think."

" You think? You either do or you don't, and from the looks of it, you _don't._"

I looked down at my tiny figure. Truth was, I can't remember the last time I actually ate a meal. Sure, when I felt super ravenous, I would eat just enough to fill me up. Other than that, I hardly thought about food.

" I guess not."

He looked blankly at me. Then exhaled slowly, like he was fed up.

_Not much of a surprise there. _

" Come with me." Mello said with an impatient tone.

" What about classes?" I asked.

" Consider yourself skipping. Of course, you can stay if you want." He said daringly. He began to walk and I found by self following him.

Well, what else was I supposed to do?

**AN- Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I'm late with the update, and I apologize! But, you know…Reviews do help them come faster…Just saying.- Kikyo1027**


	5. Invincible

I found it absolutely amazing, how people stared at Mello when he walked. Not all of them were sexual stares, although _most _were, but stares of actual interest. Interest that such a creature existed. With each stride of his combat boots, Mello seemed to command attention, and best believe he got it.

He gets everything we want.

The first place we went to was a small convince store.

" Pick out something." He said simply, making his way to the candy aisle, almost out of habit. I gazed around the store, looking for something that caught my eye. I went up to the counter and saw a small green package winking back at me.

" Are you going to get something are you just going to stand there?" Mello asked harshly, putting a king sized chocolate bar on the counter.

" I want those." I pointed to the small package that hung up in the glass case. Mello looked at me with a confused expression on his face. The clerk came to the counter and scanned Mello's bar.

" Is that all?" He asked.

" Can I have a Newport Kings in a box?"

" I'll need ID."

Mello swiftly pulled out an ID from inside his leather vest and handed it to the clerk. He checked it and nodded, putting the merchandise in a plastic bag, and handing it over to Mello, who pushed some money on to the table.

" Keep the change." Mello said roughly, dragging me outside by my thin arm.

When we were finally outside, Mello threw me the cigarettes, and continued walking.

I stared at them for a minute, feeling a sense of triumph now that I was holding them. I took one out and played with it in my fingers, making sure none of the tobacco spilled out. I put it in my mouth, preparing to light it up, until I realized…

I had no lighter.

I ran up to Mello (who was surprisingly, not that far away).

" How am I supposed to smoke this?" I said, a little angry that Mello had tricked me. He turned around and smirked.

" I was wondering when you were going to figure that out. Come on. I'm going to _try _to feed you."

He grabbed my scrawny arm once again. I don't why I was so thin. I was always like this, even before I started forgetting to eat.

Mello pulled me into a small diner that was hidden in an alleyway. The smell of fries enveloped me as Mello opened the door. I followed him into a small both that was discreetly placed in the back corner of the diner. A waitress soon came up to us and asked us for our order.

" He'll have a Sprite, cheeseburger; with everything on it, and fries." Mello demanded ordering for me.

" And what we'll you have, sir?"

" Chocolate cake."

" Alright. Your order will be here in a moment."

" Try to hurry up. I have somewhere to be."

The waitress took note of Mello's request (although, it sounded like a command) and left us alone, which was something I was grateful for.

That waitress was just too pretty.

Mello sat across from me just staring. I played nervously with the end of my sleeves, trying not to look at him directly.

" Why did you want cigarettes?" Mello asked me.

" My dad smoked them. I just…I don't know, really. Why didn't you give me a lighter?"

" Cigarettes are like murder weapons, Matt. And you could kill yourself if you want to, but I'm not going to give you the knife."

It got quiet after that. I guess he wanted his words to hit me. To make him right. And if there was one thing I _hated_, it would be people with big ego's _thinking _that they were right all the time.

So, just to be a smart ass, I went up to the counter where the waitress was standing, waiting for our food come. " Excuse me, do you have a lighter?" I asked, smiling for the first time since I came to Wammy's. The waitress smiled back at me and handed me a small blue lighter, from her apron's pocket.

" Here you go." She winked at me. " Keep it. For luck."

I smiled even wider and waved at her as I sat back down in the booth with Mello, who was glaring at me. His glare turned stone cold as I put a cigarette in my mouth and lit it. I took a deep breath and exhaled the smoke out slowly. Almost like a pro.

" Ass hole." Mello spat. I grinned. I could be just as bad ass as he was.

Pretty soon, our food came. I began to dig in immediately, putting out the cigarette in a little ashtray. I noticed how slow Mello ate his chocolate cake, putting a little slice on his tongue and sucking on it gently.

" So, what else do you like to do, you know, _besides _eating chocolate?"

" I like to dance." Mello glared at me, as if daring me to say something about it.

" You like to dance?"

" Yeah, my mom used to-"

" Dance? Your mom was a dancer?"

" No, my mom was a whore. But before that, she danced."

" Oh."

Things got awkward after that. I wondered how Mello could talk about his mom so easily. Every time I thought about my mom, I ended up cutting myself. What made him so strong? So indestructible? Before I got the chance to ask him, Mello stood up.

" We have to get back now." He stated.

" Why."

" Because, I have a meeting with L."

**AN- Sorry, again for the late update. I was sick today, so I decided that now would be the perfect time to update a new chapter. Be sure to review and you'll get a treat in the next chapter!- Kikyo1027**


	6. Smother Me

Later that night, I heard the door slam. My eyes were open wide in the next millisecond, but I stayed motionless. It was apparent that Mello was angry, and I did _not _want to be his punching bag.

I expected things to be thrown, walls to be punched, cuss words to come streaming out of his perfectly formed mouth, but surprisingly, there wasn't. I mean, I think I heard something being smashed into a million pieces, probably a mirror, but other than that nothing.

I stayed quiet, listening for…well, to be honest, I don't know what I was looking for. I heard Mello flop onto his bed….

And then start to cry.

It wasn't the loud, obnoxious cry, like people do on T.V. No, this was one was barely audible and you could only hear it if you really listened closely.

And trust me, I was listening.

I don't know if it was because I was sleepy, or if it was because I was brave that day, but I quietly crawled from the top bunk to the bottom. I watched him. He probably knew that I was standing there, but he didn't do anything. I think he was too mad to hurt me. That, or he actually liked me, and for Mello to like anybody was a stretch.

Either way, I took this as a sign to continue. I crawled over him, so that I gracefully hovered overtop of him, until my face hung over his, then I stopped again, this time, just to embrace this position. This was probably as close as I'll get to Mello. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish I could be on top of him, and have actually want me there. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I rolled over so that I was on the right side of him. I could feel the tears that were seeping out onto his pillow now. I took a another chance, and wrapped my arms around his waist and used one hand to pat his soft, blonde, hair. Softly, I began to sing:

_Let me be the one who calls you baby_

_All the time_

_Surely you can take some comfort_

_Knowing that you're mine_

_Just hold me tight, lay by my side and let me be the one who calls you_

_Baby all the time_

_I found my place in the world_

_Could stare at your face for the rest of my days_

_Now I can breathe, turn my insides out and _

_Smother Me_

_Warm and alive I'm all over you would you smother me? _

**AN- I've been wanting to write this chapter forever. Gah. It's just so cute, you know? I always love the soft side of Mello. And I love this song (Smother Me by The Used if you didn't know…). In fact, if I were you, I'd google it. I would review as well.- Kikyo1027**


	7. Kiss Me You weak Fool

I woke up the next morning from a switch in weight. It felt as if the bed had gotten heavier. I sheepishly opened my eyes. When I saw who was hovering above me, my eyes went wide with shock…

And fear.

Mello glared at me as he took a menacing bite out of his chocolate bar.

" If you tell anybody about what happened last night, I will kill you."

" I wasn't going to tell."

" Sure, you weren't. You weren't going to tell anybody about how you comforted me, how I let you hold me." He said this in a mocking tone. Then, he bent down, and with his thumb and index finger grabbed hold of my face with a strong grip. " Your lucky I even let a thing like you look at me."

I started to squirm in his touch. Punching him wherever I could, trying to make him let me go. The punches (as hard as they were) didn't affect him in the least. He just sat there and smirked, which made me try even harder. I was about to punch him again, when he bent down and kissed me.

My body went numb as his tongue begged me to enter. My lips parted slowly, allowing him to explore. I felt a soft moan building up in my throat as our tongues began to dance together. As soon as I let it out, Mello pulled away.

" Matt, your so weak." He practically laughed, as he got off of me and walked out the door.

XXX

Ever since then, Mello hasn't talked to me. The funny thing is, that instead of talking he would look. He give me daring stares, that seemed like they were taunting me. Daring me to kiss him like we had in the room, to show him that I wasn't afraid. That I wasn't weak.

Too bad that was never going to happen.

I began to wish my body and senses weren't so numb during the kiss. I wanted to remember how Mello had tasted. How he had felt. But, I couldn't remember anything other than him laughing and calling me weak. And as much as his stares were some sort of comfort, I missed talking to him, even if it was just a disarray of insults when he did. I just didn't want the last thing he ever said to me to be your weak. It was time to face facts:

I missed Mello.

**AN: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Late update, I know! I totally forgot that I even had this story going on! (although reviews could help my amnesia.)Sorry again- Kikyo1027**


	8. If I'm A Toy, Than You're A Dog

A few days later I was sitting in the lunch room, just watching Mello. It was a bad habit I was starting to pick up. I found my self doing it unknowingly. Mello grinned and gave me one of his signature looks. I could feel a hot flush working it's way up to my cheeks.

" You know he's just messing with you." A small, apathetic voice said.

I looked in front of me to see a small, pale, snow-haired boy looking at me with large lifeless, gray eyes. He looked more like an angel than Mello did. Except he looked tortured. I heard of this boy. Supposedly, he was the top genius in Wammy's. Yeah, I knew him.

He was Near.

"What?" " Mello only wants to use you as a toy. Nothing more."

" How would you know that?"

" I listen to everything. It's very vital that I do. One could miss out on something very vital by not listening, no matter how stupid and insignificant the conversation is."

I looked back at Mello, who was now glaring at Near and me.

" You heard this…directly from Mello?"

" Mello wasn't talking directly to me, if that's what your asking. But yes, I did hear him telling some of his friends what a 'Great toy you would be'. You can make of it what you want, Matt, but the message is still pretty clear."

Mello was still glaring, but now I was glaring back. A toy. Great. I don't know if I should be happy that I've been promoted from not deserving to look at him, to being known as his toy. Something that he uses for his own personal satisfaction, only to be thrown to the side when he finds something new and shiny to play with.

"Wait," I said, turning my attention back to Near. " Why do you care what Mello thinks of me?"

" Simple." Near said in a low voice. He turned his attention to a strand of his hair, and began to curl it widely. " I find you…very attractive Matt. It upsets me that someone would think of you as a toy."

" Attractive?"

" Yes." He said, putting his hair down and picking up his tray. " I wish I could talk to you more, but I have to go." His eyes wandered to the clock, which signaled that their was five minutes until classes started.

" Yeah. Bye." I told him, my farewell not as pleasant as I wanted it to come out, but that was the least of my worries. The only thing I was worried about, was not being a toy…

**AN- Sorry for the late update **_**again. **_**I was on punishment and my laptop was taken away. And sorry for the short chapter. And since I've been super mean, I promise to make the next chapter longer and I'll update it quicker. Ah, Near creeps me out a little. But I love him, and had to add him in. Unfortunately, he's not going to be all good in this story… -Kikyo1027**


	9. Scene Change

I went in to our room, and plopped down on the top bunk. Ugh. I hated even saying that. _Our _room. It has never been _our_ room, it's always been _his _room with some of _my _things in it. You could basically say, that I was renting this room until I was old enough to get out of here.

Selfish bastard. He probably never had to share anything in his whole life. He probably doesn't even know what it's like to have people who don't care about you. People who only keep you around because of what you can give them, leaving you with the short end of the stick, if you ever got part of that damn stick at all.

I closed my eyes in a desperate attempt to calm myself. I never liked to be angry, and, thankfully, I had a weird gift to calm myself, when I wanted to.

Instead of using my energy to be angry, I needed to use my energy to think. I needed to find a way to hurt Mello. Problem was, he was practically indestructible. And, I really _didn't _want to hurt him. I just wanted to teach him a lesson. I wanted to teach him, that I wasn't one to be played with. I thought about today after lunch. During the classes I had with Mello (only two) he glared at me. As if it was _me _doing something wrong. He was probably angry that I didn't bow down, then and there, promising to be a good boy and never do him wrong. He-

I sat up and looked at the door as it thrashed open quickly.

Speak of the Devil…

Mello slammed the door closed and glared at me. I glared at him back, making my green eyes look as fierce as they could. I didn't even flinch as Mello's cold blue orbs tried to demean me. We glared at each other like that for awhile, making it a contest of sorts. We both hung in for thirty minutes or so, before Mello finally spoke.

" What the Hell is wrong with you?" He asked, voice as cold and hard as stone.

I gave a short laugh at his question.

" What do you mean what's wrong with _me_?"

He hands, that were once held loosely at his sides, were now clenched in fists. He was clenching them so tight that I swore I saw some blood drip on the carpet. I didn't care. He deserved to hurt him self. What a pathetic, screwed up angel he was. He deserved to rot in Hell.

" Hanging out with _Near_?" His eyes turned cold once again, then softened as he let out a low chuckle. " You must be weaker than I thought."

That was the thing that pushed me the most. The fact that he kept calling me _weak _was getting on my last nerve.

" Who are you to go calling anybody weak? I'm not the one who fucking cries like a baby at night, and I've probably been through more shit than you and any other person here!" I saw him flinch when I mentioned him crying at night. Good.

I've hit a nerve.

" And you shouldn't care _who _I hang out with! But since you obviously must know, I happen to like him!" Another flinch.

I was really starting to get angry, and the sad thing was, I didn't want to calm myself down. I doubt I even could. I was just so…. _furious _with him. My eyes were letting my true rage show. My fists began to clench. I wanted to hit him. I just wanted to spring off this bunk and punch him, right in that perfect face of his. Give him a good dose of reality. Instead, I ended up grabbing one of my schoolbooks, and threw it right at his perfect face. Surprisingly, the cover of the book ended up hitting him, square in the face.

His mouth opened in shock as he just stared at me. I didn't care. I hope he woke up with a freaking black eye tomorrow. In fact, I wanted him to do something. I wanted him to _try. _

Eventually, when Mello saw I wasn't going to apologize, he threw his hands down and gave me his hardest glare ever.

" Fine, Matt! Fucking fabulous! You want to go out with the albino, than be my fucking guest! I hope you to dicks are happy with each other!" He yelled as he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

I slammed my head against a pillow. I hoped he knew that I meant _none _of what I said…

**AN- So, I tried to make this chapter longer. I got a lot of reviews, so I felt that I had to update today, as a little thank you gift. ;P I wanted to show everyone the mean side of Matty (who's still a softy) and how much Mello actually cares for Matt (explaining why he didn't beat the living shit out of him). Hope it worked…-Kikyo1027**


	10. Homewrecker

Mello and I ignored each other after that. If I opened the door and saw that he was in the room, I would slam the door and storm down the hall to Near's room. In classes, we made sure we were never partnered together. I didn't have to do much work in that department, since everyone knew that Mello didn't get along well with others. Lunch was the only place I couldn't avoid him. Each day, he would pass by me and Near, and just glare, than walk out of the cafeteria to do whatever he does. Not that he interested me.

No. Not at all.

Near was a total different case. Different in a weird sense. He sorta became my companion once Mello was out of the picture. The only thing was, that he didn't _feel _like a companion, or a friend, or a crush for that matter. Everything that came out his mouth sounded completely apathetic. The fact that he talked in a strict monotone didn't help either. At least, with Mello, you knew what you were getting, even though you didn't like it. Near was a big surprise…

Near was mystery meat.

Putting my Game Boy on pause, I decided to ask him. I lifted myself up from the small corner I was in, and crawled on Near's bed. He was playing with some Transformer toy, making it make strange noises and fly in the air. I plopped my head on one of his pillows and looked at him through my goggles. I liked looking at Near through my goggles. It gave me reassurance that he was a real person and not some robot that everybody made him out to be.

" Near?" I said, still staring.

" Yes, Matt?"

" …Do you really…_mean _what you say?"

Now he put the Transformer down to the side of the bed and looked at me with those wide, dark blue eyes.

" What do you mean?"

I sighed.

" When you speak you sound so _apathetic_. Like there's no feeling in you at all. Like you're a robot, just like everyone else says."

"So is that how you perceive me? Just like everyone else?"

" No. Well,… I don't _want _to. But, I _have _found myself thinking that lately. Like when you said you "found me attractive". You have never really showed-"

My sentence was interrupted by Near straddling me. A let out a small gasp, surprised that he could move so quickly, and even more surprised that he was actually doing something spontaneous for once.

His small, pale, hands grazed the side of my face. One hand slipped under the strap of my goggles, and slid them off with one small movement. My eyes adjusted to him. I noticed that his eyes showed a small hint of gleam in them.

Near was enjoying this.

He kissed me softly on my lips, than began to make a little trail that ended up leading to my neck. Suddenly, he starting sucking, licking, biting, and kissing the crane of my neck. I let a small smile dance on my lips when I figured out what he was trying to do.

Near wanted to mark me.

The question was: Was I going to let him? To be honest, I probably was. I've never seen Near let out as much emotion as I did now. Stopping him from doing this would have been a crime in _many _ways. Plus, I was in way to deep to make him stop now.

I started kissing him back, but being way more gentle about it. Near was a fragile creature. One wrong move and he could break. He didn't care much about that though.

Near (who's lips were still pressed against mine) starting playing with the hem of my shirt. I pulled away quickly, leaving Near with a shocked expression on his face.

Near. Shocked. Huh.

" I…I got to go." I lied, getting up from the bed. Near quickly regained his composure and formed the regular, dead panned, face I was used to. It was scary how he could do that so quickly.

I left his room and went to my room. Shutting the door behind me. Mello was sitting at the desk, looking through some thick book. Studying. What else is new?

I climbed the ladder to the top bunk, and plopped my head down, causing my red hair to scatter all over the pillow. I really did need a hair cut.

" What the Hell happened to you?" Mello asked. I looked over at him, and noticed that he has been staring at me ever since I've entered the room.

" What do you mean?"

" You have a big ass bruise on your neck."

He got up slowly and walked over toward the bed, examining my hickey thoroughly.

" Is this… from Near?" He looked up at me in disgust.

"…No." I said meekly. For some reason, I had become very scared. Maybe it was the way Mello was looking at me. Disgusted, but not because of me….

Because of Near.

" Don't lie to me Matt." He said roughly. " He…He did _that_?"

"…Yes, but-"

I didn't have a chance to say anything else, because Mello dashed out the door, leaving me no choice, but to follow him….

**AN- Yay! New Chapter. Sorry it was a little over due. I busted my big toe, so, yeah. But I think this chapter sorta makes up for that. And does anybody else think that Matt's hair would look so sexy sprawled out over a pillow? -Kikyo1027**


	11. Mr Almighty

It almost seemed like I flew to Near's room. I only caught a glimpse of Mello's golden hair. Poor, naïve, Near must've opened the door for him. For such a smart kid, he can be a complete idiot.

As soon as I entered the room, I saw Mello bumbling Near. I immediately stopped as I saw Mello's fist come in contact with Near's face, causing a decent amount of blood to splatter on Near's white skin.

I flinched a little….

I ran up to Mello and _tried _to pull him off of Near. No use. Every time I pulled him back an inch, he pulled himself forward two. Eventually, he must of got tired of me trying to stop him, because he turned around and backhanded me.

I felt like a little bitch.

I tried not to show it though. Instead of trying to pull him back again, I just stood there, hand on my cheek, and watched him. I watched him beat the living shit out of Near, for absolutely no reason. Exhaustion, I guess. I never liked doing much. Why start now?

Near looked like he experienced no pain throughout the whole entire beating. I flinched more than he did, and my shirt wasn't the one covered in blood.

Eventually, I regained my grip and tugged on Mello one more time.

" What!?" He yelled turning around and looking at me. My eyes widened. I've seen Mello mad before, but it was never anything like this. Never had his blue eyes filled with this much hatred.

" …You need to calm down."

"Calm down! _Calm down? _Matt, he's using you as his fucking toy and you want me to calm down?!"

I daringly rolled my eyes when he mentioned toy. He was one to judge. Almighty Mello.

He saw this brave gesture and rolled his eyes in return.

" Right, this just figures." His tone was heavy with annoyance. " You probably think Near likes you. Hell, you probably think he _loves _you." He smirked, then brought his hand to my neck, stroking the lo-….mark gently. " You probably think _this _was out of love too. How naïve."

I smacked his hand down from my neck.

" You would know a thing or too about toying with people, wouldn't you?"

Mello gave me a look of confusion. I was going to comment on it, but then I heard Near laugh maliciously.

When I looked at Near, he was standing up in the same hunched over position as always, smiling a smile that only one of a mass murderer wore. I don't even know where he got the strength to smile from, let alone the strength to stand. But, there he was. Standing and smiling and laughing like it was his laugh day to live.

" Are you upset Mello?" He said, looking Mello right into his eye. " Upset that I got closer to you ever so _precious _angel? Upset that I beat you. _Again?_"

Mello punched Near in the jaw one last time and drug me by my arm out of the room. And this time I was glad he was protecting me.

**AN- Woot! Exams are done! That means chapters galore! Lol-Kikyo1027**


	12. A Rank Is Nothing But A Number

Mello fell asleep with me that night, and no, I did not cry or beg him to. I didn't even ask. He just climbed up to my bunk and crawled in the covers with me.

Now if only I could fall asleep.

I sighed as I adjusted my head against the pillow. I was still uncomfortable, but I didn't want to wake Mello up.

I glanced over at him as he slept. If you didn't know Mello (and you saw him while he was sleep) you would think he was harmless. His characteristics softened, and gave him a weird childlike appearance. His hair color, however, never softened. If anything, it turned brighter than ever. Almost brighter than the sun…

Wow. That was corny.

Mello turned over, so that his face was now facing mine. His skin looked so soft in the moonlight. Hell, Mello looks amazing in _any _light. I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I think I have a hyperactive brain.

When I couldn't possibly stay up anymore, I closed my eyes and began to dream.

XXX

" THE TEST ARE POSTED! THE TEST ARE POSTED!"

That's what I woke up to the next morning. I thought they were shouting something important, and apparently, it was. I sat up and looked around for Mello. Instead of seeing him lying next to me, he was in the center of the room, hurriedly putting his pants on.

"Mello, what's going on?"

" They posted our ranks."

" Ranks?"

" You think all those test we take are for nothing?"

Hm. I never did find out what we were taking those test for. I always thought that since this was a school for gifted orphans, then we were expected to do test all the time, for no reason at all.

" Matt! What are you still doing in bed? We have to _go_."

Wanting to know what was going on, I hopped out of bed. I had on my pajama bottoms, so I really didn't find the need to put on jeans or a shirt.

We dashed out the door and down the stairway. By the time we even got out the room, the halls were cleared. Not a single soul in sight. You could still hear their voices downstairs though. It sounded like a riot was breaking loose.

" Whatever you see down there, never lose your cool, okay? Besides, it's your first time. Don't worry about your score."

When we finally got to the main room, I was amazed by what I saw. On the wall, there were multiple list posted, with all the names of the Wammy children on them. Most children were huddled up in groups, whispering and looking at the wall with fear. When one of them finally got brave enough, they creeped up to the wall and looked, wide eyed, for their name. Once they found it, they either smiled at their group of friends or they held back tears.

It was mostly the tears.

"Go ahead Matt. I'll start at the top, you'll start at the bottom. We'll meet in the middle and tell the other what place we're in, okay?"

"Alright."

We split up, me going towards the end of the list, Mello, going to the beginning. When I went through the crowds, I saw a bunch of… disturbing things. I knew that most people ended up disappointed about there score, but when I saw how people were _really _reacting, I got scared.

The worst one was probably a girl I knew. Her name was Poet, and she was crying hysterically on the floor in fetal position. Her eyes, (which her a soft, hazel, brown) were bulging out of her sockets. Red from tears, and wide from shock. Her friends were surrounding her, trying to talk to her, to get _some _kind of response. She never gave them an answer. All she did, was sit on the floor and shriek and cry.

I tried to ignore her and continued on my way to the end of the list, not looking at anybody else. _Especially, _those who were sad.

The list was very easy to comprehend. Your rank (or score) was right by your name. All the scores I were checking, were low, and there were a good amount of low scores. Thankfully, I didn't have to check much because Mello came.

" Back so soon?" I asked playfully, despite the somewhat serious situation.

" Yeah. I found our scores."

I looked into Mello's eyes. They were bugging out a little, not like the girl I saw earlier, but still enough to scare me.

" What were they?"

" I was second…" He paused. It was no surprise that Mello got a high rank. He always studied.

" What was mine?"

"… You were third."

I gulped.

Now that was a surprise.

" Uh…that's all?"

"No." He looked up from his shoes. "L wants to see you."

**AN- I know this was probably a short chapter, but it was long to me. I tried to put a lot of detail in it, but eh… I digress. In case you didn't notice, Mello sent Matt to the back of the line because he thought that Matt's score would be low. And he told Matt to be calm for the same reason. I threw in the girl because I wanted to show how serious this was to the Whammy's kids. The next few weeks I'm going to be a bit busy, so to keep on what I'm doing (and to catch on to a few spoilers for my stories) add me on twitter. My username is moan_of_my_own.**


	13. Sorry For Sucking So Much

**" I was once a wordsmith. Now, I can't come up with anything worth a shit."- Shaant Hacikyan's blog....**

**So, basically, this is just going to be an author's note. **

**First of all, I really do want to apologize for sucking at updating. I've always had a problem with procastination, but that's no excuse. The excuse is, my laptop has crashed on me (isn't that nice) so I have no way to post chapters until it gets fixed. **

**I've been getting quite alot of reviews lately, so I thought I should put it out there that I won't be posting for awhile. This does not mean that I'm giving up on this story. MORE CHAPTERS WILL BE POSTED!!! Just not right away...**

**I don't know when, exactly, my laptop will be fixed, but as soon as it is, I'll post a message on my twitter and post a chapter immediatly. **

**Thanks for understanding (unless you hate me now. that would suck)-Kiky1027**

**ps- my twitter username is moan_of_my_own follow me.....**


	14. Meaningless Meeting

**AN- Okay, so I got a review from sinnetregit saying that she was listening to Smother Me until, I brought up a new song. This person (I don't if it's a boy or girl. I looked on the profile and there was nothing!!) reviewed a lot, so I'm going to put a song that I think fit's the chapter every time I post. If you guys have any songs that are awesome, send me the titles and artist and I might put them in a chapter. So this chapter's song is: The Young And The Hopeless by Good Charlotte.**

Walking to L's office (not that he was in there a lot) was almost like walking to your death. The first few steps, you aren't fazed. It's not until a few steps after, when that eerie silence fills your head, that you actually start to think about it. Your only thinking about what could happen, and automatically you mind thinks the worst. You remember when Mello came back from L's office. How he cried. _Cried. _With every thought your heart pounds faster and faster until it feels like it's going to bust out of your chest and run away. When you could finally see the door; the end of it all, you began to accept your fate and face it head on. You began to pick up you pace, until your inches from the door…

Then you get scared all over again.

" Come in, Matt." A monotone voice said. I grabbed on the doorknob, and opened the door to a normal office. Since it was L's, I was expecting something different. _Way _different.

"Have a seat." The voice said again.

You would think as much as kids here talk about L, we would be familiar with every bit of him. That we would know him better than anyone else in the world. That, however, isn't the case, but our very wish. To know him better. To _be _him.

I walked in the office and sat on a plain, wooden chair across from L and his desk. He was sitting in his chair, feet up, in a manner that made me uncomfortable. I felt like I should be sitting like that too. I guess L had a way of making you feel stupid, even when you were doing nothing out of the norm.

There were papers scattered around his desk. Some even lye on the floor in complete disarray. The only thing on the desk other than papers and pens was a big, jet black, laptop.

Before I got a chance to examine it, L slammed his coffee on the table, shaking me out of my thoughts. The 'liquid' in the coffee didn't even move. It wobbled, like a jello of some kind. Probably from all the sugar…

" Matt, let's get straight to the point, shall we?" L said to me as he swooped a piece of his raven hair out of his face.

" Um…sure."

" Rhetorical question. You are aware that you have place third in all of Whammy's house correct?

I waited for him to continue, but he stayed quiet. Finally, I realized that that was not a rhetorical question.

"Oh! Yes, I do. I…um…found out this morning." I said, obviously flustered by my stupidity.

"Good. And I expect that you will take your position seriously?"

" I…guess so…?"

" Good."

L picked back up the cup of gelatinous coffee and swung his chair with his back facing me. I just sat there, like the idiot I am. Until I saw that laptop…

" Matt."

"Yes?"

"Your dismissed."

XXX

The next day in Criminal History, I sat quietly and alone in a desk one row from the last. Mello came in after another group of students, paused, stared at me, then shook his head and went to the farthest seat away from me. It's been like that every since I got back from L's office (a meaningless meeting if you ask me). When I came back to the room, Mello wasn't there. And when he did finally come back, he just crawled under the sheets.

" He's not going to talk to you, you know."

I looked behind me to find Near twirling a piece of hair in-between his fingers. His eyes were back to the empty orbs that they were before I met him.

" Why not?" I asked. Usually I would move and ignore the little albino, or Mello would push him into a wall or something. But, I was curious to why Mello was acting so strange.

" Your _third. _And more importantly, you got third rank at a very fast rate. Faster than anyone has ever managed. If you took over third place that easily, who knows how fast you'll take Mello's place."

" His place?"

" Yes. He has been second in L's successor for awhile now. As a matter of fact, he was actually very close to becoming number one."

" Really? When?"

" Just around the time me and you had that little escapade."

I scoffed as I remembered exactly why I didn't like Near in the first place. As soon as the teacher came in, I turned around and tried to pay attention to the teacher's lesson, but all I could concentrate on was that perfect blonde hair…

XXX

As soon as I heard the period bell, I grabbed my stuff, and made a dash for the halls. My plan was to catch Mello, and to explain to him that I don't want to be L's successor, or anything of the like.

" Mello!" I said, once I finally got hold of him. " I need to talk to you."

" Well, I don't want to talk."

" Well, I do. Mello, I know about the ranks, okay? And I know how much this means to you. I don't want to be like L, Mello. I don't-"

Mello quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me into a secluded hallway corner.

" Say what you have to say and make it fast."

" Mello…I won't take your place, okay? I don't _want _to."

" Matt, it's not about whether you want to or not. Those test are not a joke. They'll trick you. They'll make you _prove _your true intelligence."

I looked into his eyes and gently intertwined my fingers with his.

" Then I'll put the wrong answers for everything. Stupid answers. I won't even try."

Mello untangled his fingers with mine and turned his back on me. He took a few steps before stopping and looking back at me.

" Matt…Promise me that you won't bomb those test on purpose?"

" ….I promise."

"Good. I wouldn't want you giving anyone the satisfaction." He said as he walked away.

Again….

**AN- Woot! It feels awesome that I finally posted a chapter! To be honest (my laptop is still crashed, but I'm typing this on my mom's) I wasn't going to post this chapter, but the reviews you guys sent me were so awesome, I just had to post one!!! Thanks a lot!- Kikyo1027**


	15. Sleep Tight

**This chapter's song is: On My Own by The Used **

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. My ratty red hair was slick and wet from the piercing hot shower I just took. I green eyes pierced back at back me. Challenging me not to do it…

But I was never very strong anyway.

I took the small, metal, blade, and began to twist it back and forth between my fingertips. It's been a whole month since Mello has even looked in my direction. I've been putting wrong answers on each and every test, despite my promise to him (what's the use of keeping a promise if he won't even look at me anyway?). I haven't been putting completely stupid answers that would give myself away, but answers that were similar to the ones that I put down before, except they would all leave out a somewhat minor detail that would make my data look inconclusive. But, even though I did that, I still remained in third place.

And that bothered me…

Not only that, but the fact that Mello was so determined to beat L, that he would just push me to the side like this. You would think he would have chose me…

Know I'm sounding like a whiny bitch.

I slid the blade down my mom just to make me shut up. Or to shut my thoughts up. Ugh. I need another…

I made the next one deeper. Since I'm doing it, I might as well make it hurt, right? Eventually, I stopped caring about the deepness of the cuts and just began to slash randomly at my wrist and arm, crying hysterically as I did so. And I just kept doing it, and doing it, and doing it.

Well, at least until it went black.

XXX

I woke up to something wet hitting me in the face. My vision was hazy, but I could swear somebody was holding me. Shaking me. I tried to open my eyes as wide as they would go, just to try to see _something_. And I did.

It was bright. Like a light almost, but not as…white. It was gold looking. An angel, maybe? I laughed at the thought. I should know by know that no such thing exist.

I clamped my eyes shut to forbid the light from hurting me anymore. I tried to move, but none of my limbs would respond. I felt like a big heap of spaghetti. I stopped forcing myself to move and opened my mouth to scream. Before I could get a word out I started sputtering and choking on water. Was it raining? No. You can't choke on rain. Can you?

As soon as I could breathe again, my body began to relax, and I suddenly felt…sleepy. The water was comforting me, no longer harming me. My body was just tired, not numb. I probably wasn't even choking. I was probably just dreaming the whole thing…

Yeah.

Just dreaming.

**AN- Sorry for posting late again. I tried to post from the library's computer, but they banned fan fiction, and my laptop is still crashed. And I just found out my Uncle killed himself last week. I don't know. And I know this is short, but I at least thought you guys deserved this. Thanks for being so great.-Kikyo1027**


	16. So It Wasn't Rain?

**Song: Always By Blink 182 (I love this band!)**

I opened my eyes to a super bright light, and shut them instantly. It was still here? After all these hours? Or days? Or weeks?

"Matt? Are you awake?"

" Yes, but I can't open my eyes or it'll burn!" I shouted. I don't know why I did. Maybe it's because I haven't been talking for hours. Or days. Or weeks…

"It's just light Matthew. You need to open your eyes so Linda can draw you properly."

I didn't recognize the voice, but for some reason I felt that I could trust her. Maybe she was the one who saved me from the rain.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and gave them time to adjust. When I finally got used to seeing the light, I took time to look around. There was a girl in a corner, about 14, drawing on a sketch pad. She quickly glanced up at me and went write back to drawing. I also, noticed that everything in this room was white. And there were tools…

"Am I dead?" I said to no one in particular.

" No, Matthew. Your in the infirmary."

Appearing at my side was a nurse looking lady. She had her hair in a secure bun, and was wearing white latex gloves.

" Do you want me to take a look at those arms for you?" She said in her nice, cheery, voice.

I looked down at my arms, not even noticing that there was anything wrong with them. They were wrapped in gauze, which looked like it had been on for some time now.

" Did the rain do this to me?" I asked.

" No…You did." She looked at me with pity and suddenly I felt stupid. As bad as my memory has been, I can remember cutting myself. But, I couldn't remember taking it _this _far. I mean, I had scars here and there, but nothing major…right?

I tried to hide my face, mostly because I was ashamed that I let myself get this far. Unfortunately, the nurse caught onto my body language.

" It's nothing to be embarrassed of. I've had kids walk into this place in a way worse condition. I blame the pressure. L doesn't understand that you guys are just _kids_. Even if you are smart, you shouldn't be handling this kind of stress at such a young age. It's inhumane."

" L goes through it everyday, and never breaks a sweat."

" Matt, why do you think he's addicted to sugar like he is? Even geniuses can't handle all this pressure. Adult or not."

She began to unwrap my gauze and put fresh ones on. I flinched with disgust when I saw the scars on my arms. They looked horrific. The cuts were going in random directions, and some even had pus coming from them.

I felt like I was going to puke.

" Disgusting right?" The nurse spoke. " You should of seen when you first got here. Your cuts look like they were on fire. There okay, but you do have an infection, which you should have no problem with if you take the right medication and wrap them properly. If you don't, the infection will grow stronger and we'll have to amputate your arm."

I just stared at my cuts. This was too much for me to take on right now. It's like swallowing a whole bottle of medicine by itself. Just impossible. I mean, _amputation?_

" Thank goodness for that boy that brought you here. If he hadn't, I don't know if we would of-"

" Wait," I interrupted, " A boy?"

" Yes. Poor thing came down here crying hysterically. He was wet with blood all over him. You were wet too. He was screaming that you wouldn't wake up, and he tried giving you a shower but you kept bleeding and-"

"What did he look like?" I said hurriedly, not really caring for the details of my entrance.

" He was a bit pale. He came in wearing sweats and a tank. But what really stood out was the blood in that beautiful blonde hair…"

_Mello. _It was Mello. It had to be Mello.

" Where did he go?!"

" He didn't want to leave you alone, so he waited in hear for the first few hours. Eventually he started to dose off so I showed him some cots in the back and told him he could-"

I didn't waste anytime listening to her babble on. I immediately hopped down from my bed and begun to run. At first, I fell to the ground (not being used to being on my feet and all) but I got back up and ran to the back. There must have been a million cots in this room, but only one seemed occupied, and it was jammed between a bunch of other cots.

" Mello!" I called out as I ran toward the cot. I pushed my way through the others, until I reached his body, but frowned almost instantly.

This boy had brown hair…

" Matt!" An angry voice called out. This time, it did not belong to the nurse.

I made my way out of the mess of cots and looked ahead towards the door. Right beside the door was Mello himself.

" Look at you. You're a mess! Your fucking about to bleed to death thanks to your fucking arm! And now your dripping blood on the fucking white floor!"

I ran up to him and wrapped my fucked up arms around his small waist. He was talking to me. Something that felt like I had longed for forever.

I felt him sink into me and for a second, I thought he was going to hug me. But instead, he pushed me away.

" Go get wrapped up." He said in a slightly softer voice.

And for once, I was happy to oblige.

**AN- Yes! Another chapter! Sorry for all the grammar/spelling mistakes in that last chapter. Especially the mom one…That was embarrassing. And for some reason I really like this chapter…-Kikyo1027**


	17. Mellos Story

**Lyrical Lies By Cute Is What We Aim For (has no meaning to the story, but it's relaxing, and this is a harsh chapter so it evens out. Plus CiWWAF is one of my favorite bands before they split…)**

Things were finally better now. They weren't perfect, of course. Things were never perfect. Not only for me, but for anybody here at this orphanage.

I've actually come up with a theory for all this. Why so many of the kids here go crazy for that "spot". We were all abandoned. All left by people who loved us. If we were older, we would probably mourn and just go on with life. But most people forget that most kids here are still _young_. We need attention. It's what we live on. Kids here look up to L for that attention. The attention that a parent gives. When they see that they're getting father and father away from that attention, it's like they're being left all over again.

When I came back home from classes, Mello was not in the room. I'd thought he'd be there typing mindlessly at the computer, getting a head start on homework for next week.

I looked at the computer, which was on standby. Now, usually I'm not the one to pry, but at this point who really gives a damn?

I flicked the lock on the doorknob, so when he _did _come, I could quickly flip to another website while he whipped his key out of those tight leather pants…

Did I really just say that?

I shook my mess of red hair and sat at the desk, gently moving the small mouse bringing the computer to life. The type of computers L had installed in this place were very…intriguing to me. Obviously, we couldn't have any simple Mac or PC computer. A small, discreet technology company in Japan made them. They were known to be completely un-hackable , able to search through any record book in the world (even government files), and able to hack into any other computer, except for one like itself. Of course L couldn't let such kids run around with such power, so the technology company made special blocks that one would see on a normal computer, but stronger.

I was told to pick a profile and chose Mello's with hesitation. The screen immediately showed the desktop. Nothing out of the ordinary on there, but that was expected. I pulled up the internet homepage, and went to the history link where a password was asked.

_Mello_, I entered, seeing if he would try to even pick the obvious. Incorrect, but I was expecting that.

Let me think…

_Matt. _I knew this one was ridiculous, but still. I mean how cool would it be if my name was his password? Talk about sweet….

Incorrect.

Hmm. Okay, now it was time to give some serious answers. It had to be something personal, and that could be hard since Mello kept a lot to himself. I mean everybody here did, but Mello's especially. Mello may look like an angel, but he wasn't perfect. He had to have let something slip to me. I mean who else does he talk to? I have to think back to every conversation. Even the ones he may have had with me while I was unconscious. What were his hopes? His goals? His dreams?

I felt a sly grin creep on my face. There was only _one _thing Mello thought about. Only one thing he hoped, wished and dreamed about, and not only did he make that clear to me, but to everybody at Whammy's…

_First place. _

…

…

…

…

Correct.

Instantly, a whole bunch of links from the past 4 weeks popped up. I skimmed through the links, still aware of the fact that Mello could be there . I recognized most of the stuff from assignments we've had during the past month or so. It wasn't until I was at the last of the bunch when I saw a link that stood out.

I clicked it and was taken to a news site. The article that was displayed, was written exactly 10 years ago, December 12. I read threw the whole article once, and even a second and third time. The story seemed to get more tragic every time my eyes went over it.

It was about a mass murder in Russia. A small town, containing maybe 300 people in total, was burned, shot, or taken captured by the Russian government for unclaimed reasons. They noted that there were no survivors of the mass murder, except for one little boy who was rumored to have died a few days later in a car accident. Poor kid's birthday was the day after the whole thing.

But…Why would Mello have this?

And that's when the door turned…

XXX

I was happy to return home the next day. I was also, thankful it was a Saturday so I had time to look for the right present.

It didn't take me long at all to figure out the story was about Mello and his family. Or that the little boy _was _Mello. My thoughts were clarified when he left and come home shit faced.

I knew I couldn't talk to him last night. He would have gotten angry and just left. I knew he had to work off of his hangover, so I thought it was the perfect time to and get his present, because if Mello was the boy in that article, then today, December 13, is his birthday.

It was about 8:00, when I got back to our room. Mello was just sitting on his bed, looking at the wall blindly. Some what like a deer in headlights.

" Hey, Mel."

He didn't reply. I closed the door behind me and sat across from him on his bed.

" Happy birthday."

I took the ruby colored box and gently placed it in front of him. He looked back at me, the element of surprise and confusion in his beautiful blue eyes.

" How'd you know?"

" I did some research. Now open your present."

He gave me a scornful look, but decided to open it anyway. He lifted the box top to reveal a small ruby red rosary.

We stayed quiet for a long while. He didn't even touch it, just looked. Eventually he spoke.

" When I was little, my town used to only have one church. Only one. We were a poor town, but we put everything we had into building that church. It stood for something greater then all of us. You know?"

Unfortunately I didn't, but this was the first time I seen Mello open up in a while, so I didn't tell him that.

" There was a church my mom used to go to when she wasn't stoked off of heroin. She would dress up real nice and take me with her. The people there were really nice to us. That was the first place I wanted to go when I found out she…"

I unable to finish my sentence. Both me and Mello were feeling the same way I guess.

….

But we felt a whole lot better when our lips were on each others.

**AN- There was supposed to be yaoi in this chapter, but I felt I've kept you guys waiting long enough. Also, I wrote this chapter while watching 40 Year Old Virgin, so I can't really write something watching that. Lol. This was not a filler chapter at all! I did this whole chapter with a reason, so please don't skip it. The main reason it took me so long to write it, so all the research! But, I hoped you guys found it enjoyable. ~ Kikyo1027**


	18. Christmas Present to You

_**Song: Hold On by Good Charlotte (please read author's note at the end). **_

_It amazed me how he knew. I never told a soul that. Ever. _Psh. When I first came here and L told me that I couldn't tell anyone about my past, I was pretty damn happy. Me never having to tell anyone about my family? What happened? No problem. No problem until now I guess.

He acted like he didn't know for the most part, which makes me wonder how long he actually did know. But…regardless of it all, I'm actually glad that he knows…ya know? It's cool to have someone that you can tell everything to. All your secrets and shit.

The present of his could of waited though. It was too damn emotional. Brought back too many memories. That church especially. I remember looking for it when I came back from hiding. Pshh. _Hiding. _Hiding in the woods for God knows how long until I was sure they were gone. It's fucking screwed up. They couldn't just let us be? They had to fucking kill everyone? Burn everything?

I remember my mom getting murdered. Pretty fucked up sight to see as a kid huh? I remember it as clearly as I do only because of those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. Mine look like burnt out light bulbs compared to hers. They forced her on her knees, and that's when those beautiful blue eyes looked at me….

And then they shot her in the head.

I wanted to run out to her _so _bad. As if I could be one of those characters in the fairy tales she told me about. I could be the magical kid that saved her and brought her to life. But who was I kidding? I wasn't that brave. Instead, I stayed there and cried like a little bitch.

I should have run after her. Who cares if I would have died? I prefer dying to living a life without a mother. But she wouldn't have wanted that. I know that for sure.

Anyway, I looked for that church first. That church that meant so much to our town. I did find it eventually. It was only a heap of rubble and trash compacted in a pile. I also found another person….

I found L.

I ended up fucking Matt that night. It's a harsh word I know, but I don't what else to use. Definitely not love. Never that. I think fucking is the perfect word.

To be honest, I actually like Matt. He's one of the people I could actually stand to be around in the Hell hole. And I've been here for 10 years, so that's saying a lot.

It's weird because I'm usually the one that's there for him. I've been there through his cutting, through all the shit Near caused, to him almost beating me. I've always thought of him as weak. Ever since he came here, he's been all "buddy buddy" with me. I figured that he couldn't live without human attention, but now when I think about it, he really doesn't talk to anybody else but me. I've never seen him figure out any other orphans past, or give them a fucking birthday present. Especially when that person hates there birthday.

Maybe we're the same. Maybe Matt new from the start that we were just alike. That we've been through the same things. Maybe he knew that I needed a person like him, and he needed a person like me, just to make it through the day? And, I know it's extreme, but what if this is why my mom wanted me to live? So I can find the one person that won't leave me forever?

…

Psh.

**AN- Short ****I know, but I don't really consider this a actual chapter, but more as a present. I knew I wouldn't be updating until after the 2****nd**** of January, so I think this makes up for it. Right? And I tried very hard to bring a decent Mello to you guys. Tell me how I did. Oh and while your waiting for me to update check out the stories Tinted Gold (made me cry so many times) and Tattered (story is so good!). If you don't love these stories, then something is wrong with you (and no, nobody's paying me to advertise, these stories are just awesome). Leave them a review saying I sent you. Ha! ~Kikyo1027**


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